


the best group chats have members from texas

by scorpiusismypatronus



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul, Mean Girls Broadway
Genre: Abusive Siblings, Bad Parenting, Bad coping mechanisms, Crossover, Emotional Abuse, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Group chat, Hair Dye, ITS A HAPPY STORY I SWEAR, M/M, Self Harm, i dont know, im just so passionate abt both rhese musicals, injuries, pinkberry is a national chain!!, plot if you squint, text fic, zoe stress bakes??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-06-10 02:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 14,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15281805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpiusismypatronus/pseuds/scorpiusismypatronus
Summary: the deh gang and the mean girls gang have a groupchat





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ft everyone is in texas cause it's convenient

best chat, 11:01 am  
Zoe has added Alana, Janis, Evan, Jared, Gretchen, Regina, Aaron, Cady, and Karen

Zoe: hmmmmm  
Janis: hm?  
Zoe: idk ahagsgdgdvhhd  
Janis: oh big mood  
Gretchen: hey :)  
Regina: So we should do introductions, right?  
Jared: sounds lit  
Zoe: im Zoe, 15, she/her, and a lesbian  
Janis: janis, 15,she/her, lesbian  
Alana: alana, 16, she/her, lesbian/pan I don't really know  
Karen: karen, 14, she/her, ?????? :-)  
Jared: jared, 16, he/him, gay  
Evan: evan, 16, che/him, pan  
Regina: I'm Regina. 15, she and her pronouns, not heterosexual.   
Gretchen: gretchen - 14 - she - pan  
Aaron: aaron, he, 13, pan??  
Damian: damian he 15 gay  
Cady: im cady! 16, she, bi probably  
Zoe: karen "???????" is such a mood  
Karen: thanks =p :-)  
Gretchen: it really is agdhshdhdhsb  
Aaron: me thinking about my precalc hw  
Evan: precalc?? Arent you 13?  
Aaron: oh im in an advanced class  
Karen: im still in pre-algebra :-)  
Zoe: im in geometry it's oof  
Jared: alg2 is worse  
Evan: hes not wrong ahhagsdhfh  
Alana: @aaron i'm in calc so if you ever want help feel free to text me!  
Aaron: thanks alana aghzhdhfb  
Regina: I'm still in Algebra, the standard class for freshmen.   
Jared: no offence but regina ur grammar makes me want2die  
Regina: It's mutual.  
Jared: ILL NEED AOME ICE FOR THAT BURN DHDHDHDHDH  
Zoe: MEGA OOF AHSHHDDHDB  
Gretchen: big mood everyone, big mood  
Karen: happy halloween every1 :-)  
Evan: it's.....it's august.....  
Karen: Happy Halloween, Every1 : - )  
Jared: it's almost hallowellowelloween evan dony b mean  
Jared: happy halloween!  
Regina: What are you guys going as? I'm going to be a mermaid.   
Gretchen: im going as a demon  
Regina: Aren't you Jewish?  
Gretchen: ya but im not letting antisemites ruin my halloween :/  
Regina: That's fair.   
Jared: im going as myself  
Karen: im going as a sexy mouse :-)  
Aaron: im gonna be harry potter!  
Evan: why do u all knwo what ur going as. it's august  
Janis: im going as a lesbian  
Karen: aren't you already? :-)  
Janis: why should that atop me  
Zoe: im going as a straight person   
Aaron: far too scary. blokt  
Alana: i'm going as an angel!  
Cady: so I just moved to America from africa and maybe this is a stupid question but. whats halloween  
Jared: :000000 WHAT  
Janis: WHAT  
Regina: Basically, Halloween is a holiday in which one, usually children, dresses up in a costume. In the evening, you go from door to door collecting candy and other treats. This is called "trick or treating."   
Cady: ohhhhhh thanmk u  
Regina: No problem.   
Janis: we're all gay and cant read tone pls just use a fukken emoticon regina  
Regina: Asdfghjkl. Okay, fine. :)  
Regina: Are you happy now?  
Jared: THE MADWOMAN ACTUALLY DID IT  
Gretchen: screenshotted!!!!!  
Regina: Why are you guys like this.   
Evan: we're all horrified by ur grammar thats why  
Jared: *screams*  
Zoe: sorry i disappeared i was cowering under a fortress of chairs trying to Not Die lol how are yall  
Regina: Why were you hiding?  
Janis: ^  
Zoe: my brother connor was threatening to kill me again lmao it's allg he's Going On A Walk with our dad  
Regina: Are you okay?  
Zoe: im just fine and Dandy  
Regina: As the kids say, "Oof."

Regina >>> Zoe  
Regina: Hey, want to go get ice cream with me?  
Zoe: yea sure!  
Zoe: pinkberry sound good?  
Regina: Yeah, sounds good! I can be there in about 15 minutes, if that works for you  
Zoe: 15m works! i have to bike there so  
Regina: Why do you have to bike?  
Zoe: i cant drive :( my drivers ed money went to connors hospital stay lol  
Zoe: our parents make 300k/year. :/  
Regina: I'm sorry. :(  
Regina: Gtg, I'm in the car now. See you there!  
Zoe: see u :)

best chat, 12:14pm  
Evan: ?????whered everyone go  
Gretchen: idk? regina just disappears offline sometimes but idk about zoe or the rest?  
Karen: im still here :-)  
Alana: oh I was watching hair dye tutorials for black girls lol i'm still here  
Gretchen: what colour are you thinking of dying it?!? I must know  
Alana: haha mood. im thinking either the pan flag colours or the trans flag colours. i haven't decided yet  
Gretchen: maybe I can help! what colours do you usually wear?  
Alana: lots of neutral colours & jewel tones tbh, but also pastels and sunflower yellow  
Gretchen: hm,,, id go trans colours if i was u, the colours wld look rlly nice w/ your wardrobe! but if u go pan colours, im sure that would look great too!  
Alana: thank u <33  
Evan: for 300$ i'll dye my hair blue  
Jared: whats yr paypal  
Evan: [evan hansen - paypal - link]  
Jared: can we barter. i offer fifty  
Evan: 300.  
Jared: 75.  
Evan: 299  
Jared: what a bargain!!!! 100  
Evan: 299.  
Gretchen: i'll split with u @jared  
Jared: evan if i pay 200$ and gretcheb pays whatever she wants to will u dye your hair blue?  
Gretchen: gretcheb.   
Jared: SHUUTUPPP  
Evan: gretchen how much do u offer  
Gretchen: 75.  
Evan: 95?  
Gretchen: 80  
Evan: 90  
Gretchen: 85  
Evan: 85.66  
Gretchen: 86.66  
Evan: sOLD WTF AVGSGSGDBD  
Gretchen: so it's a deal?   
Evan: yep!  
Evan: wait  
Evan: jared how ae u paying. i thought u only had like fifty bucks  
Jared: ;)  
Evan: wh AT  
Jared: ; )  
Gretchen: fjfhshdhdh  
Jared: ahdhdjdjdjf i oaid btw  
Gretchen: just paid :)  
Evan: i cabt believe this


	2. the zoe murphy shut up foundation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw emotional abuse, ed

best chat, 3:17pm  
Evan: [bluehair.jpg]  
Aaron: im gay Bye  
Jared: legendary!!!!!  
Jared: @aaron Hard Rt  
Evan: was that a pun  
Jared: HECK  
Zoe: it looks nice! hhdbxbxbcbdhd  
Alana: screams @jared  
Alana: it looks cute :)  
Gretchen: money well spent shfhhddh  
Regina: I can't believe you guys paid $286.66 for Evan to dye his hair blue.   
Jared: it was worth it!  
Jared: he's hot.   
Evan: BYE SHDHSJDJDJSJF  
Zoe: go make out already:/  
Jared: timw to make my weekly donation of $800 to the Zoe Shut Up Foundation  
Regina: Wow!! Solid burn, Jared!  
Zoe: thx :'/  
Karen: he's not wrong tho :-)  
Karen: or zoe tbh. you're both right:-)  
Cady: An Icon  
Aaron: we stan  
Zoe: seriously yall go get together come back when u talk abt ur feelings  
Jared: zoe shut up  
Zoe: no  
Zoe: for 1k/week I'll shut up  
Zoe: i need htat gas money  
Jared: zoe..... you dont drive  
Zoe: and that matters bcause?  
Zoe: jared - im not gay for evan! literally everyone else - looks into the camera like theyre on the office  
[Jared has left the group chat]  
Regina: Our first casualty.   
[Regina has added Jared to the chat]  
Jared: nO  
Regina: YES  
Jared: NO  
Regina: YES!!!  
[Jared has changed the chat name to "i dont wanna be here"]  
Regina: Okay, mood.   
Gretchen: im just watching this go down and laughing   
Alana: same  
Karen: same :-)  
Aaron: same  
Cady: same  
Janis: same   
Jared: why must yall laugh at my pain  
Janis: well. it's kinda funny  
Jared: : O  
Evan: yOUR PAIN?!?!?   
Evan: ;-; im the one being Discussed here  
Jared: me, objectively - evan is hot with blue hair. yall, Meanly - jared is Gay  
Evan: but.... you are gay.   
Jared: And Your Point Is What  
Regina: JARED PM ME, I JUST REALISED SOMETHING

Jared >>>>> Regina  
Jared: hm??  
Regina: You have a crush on Evan.   
Jared: are u going to screenshot this and send it to the gc  
Regina: What makes you think that?  
Jared: i just know  
Regina: I won't send this to anyone or tell anybody, I promise. I just have to know.   
Jared: hhhhhh fine ive been in love w him since 7th grade bfbcncnn  
Regina: Isn't that three years?  
Jared: mhm,,  
Regina: That's so long, aww  
Regina: Good luck!

i dont wanna be here, 3:54pm  
Zoe: [zoe shut up foundation - paypal - link]  
Zoe: $1 per silent minute, pay by the week :)  
Jared: i dnt have $10,080?  
Jared: can we waive the price to 25c per minute  
Zoe: the lowest rate I'll consider is 60c/m  
Jared: i just donated $36  
Zoe: IM SCREECHING HE REALLY DID  
Regina: [pay me to shut up.jpg]  
Jared: ajfbsbjdfhhqevb YES  
Evan: this is iconique tbh  
Zoe: time starts now. i wont tease u for a Whole Hour. idk if i can do it  
Jared: xoxo ly  
Zoe: ly2  
Evan: ...  
Evan: i. cant believe this  
Zoe: [god wishes he were me.jpg]  
Regina: We're reaching my levels of pettiness. Absolutely beautiful. Well done, Zoe  
Zoe: thanks reggie x  
Janis: rEGGIE?!?!?  
Regina: Janis, if you call me that, I will kill you in your sleep.   
Regina: Zoe you're fine sweetie just keep doing what you're doing <3  
Janis: *screams*  
Zoe: <3  
Evan: omg shshfhdhdhdn  
Alana: this is wild  
Cady: REGINA IS USING EMOTICONS??? AND BEING SOFT??? THIA IS  
Cady: KFHDJFJFFJ  
Cady: ALSO THIS IS GONNA SOUND DUMB BUT. HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPS. HELP  
Regina: Just tap the arrow button??  
Cady: oh thanks  
Regina: Yeah, no problem.   
Gretchen: djfjjfjdjfjdjshdhhdnfbjfj  
Alana: i  
Alana: i just  
Alana: cssnsndjjd  
Zoe: god i love girls  
Alana: same  
Gretchen: same  
Regina: Same.   
Zoe: IM A POLYAMOROUS LESBIAN AND I LOVE GIRLS  
Regina: Oh, biggest mood.   
Gretchen: BIG BIG BIGBIGBIG MOOD  
Karen: girls are amazing :-)  
Zoe: rt!!  
Alana: rt  
Regina: Rt.   
Karen: ef  
Zoe: wh a t  
Karen: we're saying letters that are next to each other, right? :-)  
Alana: ?? no ?? we're saying retweet  
Zoe: karen sweetie,,, r and t aren't even next to each other  
Karen: oh right! i forgot about t :-)  
Gretchen: i just...  
Gretchen: you mean s.   
Karen: oh!! right :-)  
Jared: i leave for TEN MINUTES,  
Jared: not to break up whatever interesting but horrifying thing is going on here but i HATE my dad yep thanks bye  
Gretchen: oh no! :( what happened?  
Jared: he just. rlly knows how to get at my insecurities. he's even more of a dick than me like??  
Jared: like UGH i KNOW im a terrible person and no one can see past my flaws and i really dont wanna be reminded of it Ya Feel :/  
Jared: and like. ik im 16 and in 2yrs I'll be out but. it hurts??????and i dont want to be here anymore. im so tired of lying and hiding and deleting my chat history because g-d forbid theres a gay in their house.   
Jared: i just. want to be who i am?? i dont want to hide anymore. i dont want to miss out on everything because my dad won't stop dragging my jewish ass to his christian church and my jewish mom to his christian church!!!!!  
Jared: this dude is practically a neo nazi and theres nothing i can do  
Jared: i want to go get a smoothie!!!!!!! all i wanted was a smoothie  
Jared: but noooo im lazy and irresponsible and ungrateful and annoying and untrustworthy because Someone Else ruined the paint & dented my 2001 subaru!!!  
Jared: ......how do i delete chat messages in a group chat?  
Regina: Hold down the message you want to delete > click more > select the messages > hit the trash can  
Regina: I'm sorry. This must be hard for you  
Jared: yea it Sucks  
Jared: and like. i dont need to fix the paint on the car????? i really dont????? but my dad's making me w the last of my bar mitsvah money b/c he doesn't want to pay  
Jared: so now i have to pay that oN TOP of my car insurance  
Jared: and now that school is starting i dont have a job!!!!!  
Gretchen: hey i can lend u some if u want  
Zoe: ^  
Jared: mfnvngnfn u dont have to  
Evan: This Is Not A Good Time but i thought your parents paid ur car insurance?  
[Jared has left the chat]  
Zoe: big mood jared big mood  
[Regina has added Jared to the chat]  
Jared: oof  
Jared: heck  
Jared: yeah about that  
Jared: total lie. came up w/ it on the spot because im bad with people and worse with emotions.   
Jared: and i Kept Saying It because my dad is right that im a coward lmao  
Gretchen: ((wait im confused))  
Alana: ((Jared always says that he only hangs out with evan bc his parents told him to or else he'll have to pay his own car insurance))  
Jared: and i Know im a bad person no one even. Bothef lmao inknow  
Evan: i wasnt gonna say that for the record   
Evan: i was gonna ask why u decided to make that up in the first place?  
Jared: it's because im a bad person lol  
Regina: Jared, you're not a bad person. You made up a lie to help yourself cope with /something,/ and while maybe that's not the best coping mechanism, neither is surviving on a diet of pretty much just Diet Coke and rice cakes, so.   
Gretchen: ^   
Gretchen: and seriously regina im begging u to have one other thing besides Hecking rice cakes and diet coke. try coke zero for gods sake  
Evan: ok i still feel like im missing something?? or am i just really dumb lmao  
Zoe: no i know the whole story and you did nothing wrong or anything it's all fine   
Evan: ?????????  
Regina: Can y'all just communicate directly?????  
Regina: To each other!!!! No more dancing around things!!!!! I'm so tired  
[Jared has left the chat]  
Evan: mood  
[Regina has added Jared to the chat]  
Regina: Nice try.   
Jared: oof  
Zoe: hhhhhhhhhhhhfhhsjdjhejksodjfcnskskapwldbrndodkgn   
Jared: me  
Regina: Anyway, everyone seems very sad today. Do you guys want to watch a Disney movie?  
Jared: always are u kiddig

Regina >>>>> Jared  
Regina: This is the first and last time I'll give you this big of an out  
Jared: how can i everrrr repay u /s  
Regina: $500 is great! Thanks for asking.

i dont wanna be here, 4:39pm  
Gretchen: !!!!!  
Janis: count me the Heck in  
Zoe: ^  
Cady: yes!  
Damian: i literally just showed up on the chat but im going  
Alana: i'll go!  
Aaron: same  
Evan: yeah sure!!  
Karen: okay :-)  
Regina: All right, let's all meet at my place around six. I'll order pizza and at 6:15 we can start the movie  
Regina: Oh, what movie do you guys want?  
Jared: INCREDIVMLSS  
Regina: Does that say Incredibles...?  
Jared: YWS  
Regina: [poll - movie night - link]  
Regina: Oh, and feel free to stay the night.   
Regina: So unanimous vote for the Incredibles?  
Jared: sounds LIT AF, FAM! *dabs* #gagnamstyle  
Evan: jared No  
Jared: jared yES  
Gretchen: do u have enough space for this many people?  
Regina: Yeah we've only got 8 more people than usual  
Gretchen: "only"  
Regina: What?? My room is big!  
Gretchen: fair  
Jared: "hey dad im going to a friends house" "who" "regina george" "is this a girl" "yeah" "sounds cool im not a raging christian worrying about my only son havimg s*x"  
Regina: Tell him it's a school project thing? Or that you're sleeping over with Evan? (Not technically a lie)  
Jared: i stan a legend. thanks regina


	3. i cant fall asleep theres a cute girl on my lap what do i do

[Janis set the chat title to "gay crisis"]

[Janis had added Zoe, Regina, Jared, Alana, Damian, and Gretchen to the chat]  
[Janis has turned off chat history]

gay crisis, 03:26am

Damian: dang the historys off  
Damian: this is serious  
Janis: shut up  
Janis: yallre all awake so welcome to my emergency gc  
Janis: cady is asleep on my lap?!?!?!?  
Janis: what do i do?!?!?!?  
Janis: i dont want to wake her?? she looks so peaceful?? but i need to sleep?? but i cant sleep if i dont move??!?!?!?! help  
Jared: turn very slowly to the left. note who is very much asleep half on top of me  
Zoe: #otp  
Jared: shut up  
Janis: WEHAT DO WE DO  
Jared: I DONU KNOW IM TOO GAY FOR THSI  
Regina: Why can't you just go to sleep? I don't understand.   
Janis: not all of us can fall asleep sitting up  
Regina: Than lie down??  
Janis: if i do ill wake her  
Regina: Oh my God.   
Alana: lots of pillows?????  
Gretchen: @jared - you're lying down??what gives??  
Jared: cute boy. on me. hypersensitive to All Of His Movements  
Gretchen: thats fair  
Janis: my legs are criss crossed i need to uncross them but i dont want to move her  
Gretchen: all nighter???  
Janis: im Tired  
Janis: and i kinda. wanna wake up next to her. so.   
Jared: gay  
Alana: u could try shifting your legs Very Slowly? i'll bring u pillows  
Zoe: dont u Dare. im comfortable  
Alana: youre watching "hamilton but fast" at top volume. im coming back  
Zoe: how dare u expose me like this  
Zoe: perish  
Regina: Wait, I'm confused. Zoe and Alana, are you two dating?  
Zoe: nah we're just friends  
Regina: Oh. You look awfully close is all  
Alana: i need that Sensory Stimulation(tm) bc my autism is Crying @ the silence  
Regina: BIGGEST MOOD  
Jared: rt  
Zoe: r heckin t  
Damian: i agree w/ alana @janis just shift rlly slowly. jared.....i still dont know what the problem is?  
Jared: MY PROBLEM IS THAT THERE IS A CUTE BOY ON TOP OF ME AND I CAN NOT SLEEP DUE TO BEING SENSITIVE TO HIS MOVING AND IF I DO SLEEP I'LL PROBABLY WAKE UP WITH A PROBLEM TM IF U KNOW WHAT I MEAN. PERISH  
Alana: ive never related to anything more in my life. also janis im here w ur pillows  
Janis: thanks youre a legend   
Alana: i know  
Janis: left leg in action. i have shifted it 1cm. based on the length of my leg i have 79cm to go for just this one leg. wish me luck  
Jared: good luck  
Janis: thanks  
Damian: @jared - i still dont see the problem  
Regina: The PROBLEM is that my mom will NOT be happy if she finds out two teenage boys were giving each other handjobs on the new carpet!!!!!  
Damian: im screaming   
Zoe: WOW GIRL GO OFF!!!!!  
Janis: i am very slowly edging my left leg out from under cady's head. i have just realized that i will have to slip down enough for her head to be on my stomach. heck  
Janis: WAIT if i slip FIRST--  
Janis: ...this is harder than i thought  
Jared: fuk it im cuddling w this loser  
Jared: gnight everyone see u tomorrow  
Jared: if anyone breathes a Word of what went down in this chat ill kill u  
[Jared has muted the chat]  
Zoe: i think alana fell asleep dhdhshhdhddn  
Janis: She Doesn't Need To Be So Arrogant About It  
Janis: update she's now completely off of my legs!! Sleep Is Imminent  
Damian: dbndhfbfdndn  
Janis: SH JUST STIRRED ABORT MISSION  
Janis: shes talking in her sleep????  
Janis: [blackmail.mp4] "lions... gonna go to the... lesbian home... cmon..."  
Regina: OH MY GOD.   
Zoe: mood  
Gretchen: lions at the lesbian home  
Janis: weird sex dream probably  
Damian: skxbnsxnjsdn  
Regina: Time to expose everyone! I have some dirt on Cady that I think Janis would be interested in... I need payment in the form of gossip first, though.   
Damian: janis is a bottom and ahe has a hair pulling kink  
Janis: damian im gonna kill u  
Gretchen: SCREENSHOTTED  
Regina: Perfect lead in, Damian! Cady is a top and loves giving hickeys and pulling hair. You're welcome.   
Janis: im Sleeping  
Regina: Not anymore.  
Gretchen: sCREENSHOTTED  
Zoe: anyone got anything abt alana. asking for a friend  
Gretchen: ask karen,,, im under oath to not tell  
Zoe: thats fair  
Janis: regina is a bottom  
Gretchen: S C R E E N S H O T T E D  
Regina: Janis, shut up.   
Janis: no  
Janis: youre a bottom u dont tell ms what to do  
Damian: *screams*  
Gretchen: IM RUNNING OUT OF STORAGE GUYS FNDNFHDJDH  
Janis: ok everyone ive done it  
Janis: she is now asleep on my stomach  
Janis: im so gay...........  
Janis: help me  
Damian: boo hoo im janis im a lesbian and im in looooove with caaaaadyyyyyyyy  
[Janis has removed Damian from the chat]  
[Regina has added Damian to the chat]  
Janis: :/  
Janis: ok back to the normal chat this one is Gone  
[Janis has deleted the chat]

i dont wanna be here, 04:21am  
Janis: good night everyone dndbfjd  
Gretchen: night <3  
Regina: Sleep well and dream of pretty girls  
Damian: ^  
Zoe: ^

i dont wanna be here, 06:12am  
Jared: bdadhjrwgkjdhkgsgk   
Jared: k im gone again

i dont wanna be here, 08:52am  
Alana: DID I FALL ASLEEP WITH ZOE ON MY LAP FKCJJSDHDHD  
Zoe: YOUDID DJSJDJXJCNMC  
Regina: Ladies, please place your homosexuality in a private chat. While inspiring, your lesbianism is interrupting my sleep.   
Alana: r o a s t e d

i dont wanna be here, 09:32am  
Cady: omg janis did i fall asleep on u  
Janis: yep.   
Janis: lemme tell u trying to sleep was an Experience  
Cady: nshdhgshdhsjshs i'm so sorry lol  
Janis: nah it's fine djcjjdnsndb   
Jared: good morning everyone   
Damian: how did u sleep  
Jared: i dreamt of your stupid head on a silver dinner platter, so wonderful  
Evan: WHAT D HE DO FJFJDHJDN  
Jared: he just Exists yknow  
Damian: that's fair tbh  
Cady: yall Gay  
Jared: Yeah, About It?  
Cady: mdannfbsnndnaksb mood  
Janis: me   
Zoe: same  
Alana: worm


	4. dont text and bike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw suicide ideation, abuse, texting and driving/biking technically, injury, implied self harm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> time for my bi trans agnostic ass to go to christian summer camp for a week with no wifi access!!!!! *screams*

i dont wanna be here, 12:20pm

Jared: im running away from home, joining the homosocialost church of satan, and getting my own Hecking house with lots of plants :/  
Evan: what happened oh no  
Evan: you've brought up the plants u can't back out now  
Evan: i see u leaving me on read :'/  
Jared: cnxbxbdbd gimme a moment   
Jared: bbbzzbbajaxh according to my parents im "too lazy to get a job" and im "lucky im still in school because otherwise id have been fired by now" and i "need to learn to do things well and stop forgetting things so much" and i "need to be on medicine," im "seriously not right in the head" like WOW HOW OBSERVANT of hecking COURSE i need medicine  
Jared: and my room is "a mess" and "shows how much i dont care about things" and i "need to eat lunch"   
Jared: and god forbid i have a different opinion from them on anything!!!!! bc obviously kids can Only be clones of their parents!!!!!  
Jared: i want houseplants ans natural light and Not My Parents  
Jared: lmao byt lets face it i prbly wont live long enough to get a house  
Jared: theres rlly no point in me staying lok i mena no ine really cares anx im stupud and lazy and not oging anywhere in life apparently and indont jknow wherenid want ti be goung if i was so whatever  
Jared: it doesnt matter ehagever sorry  
[Jared has left the chat]  
[Evan has added Jared to the chat]  
Evan: nonononono you're staying right here mister  
Evan: it Does matter. like maybe im not the Best Proof Of That but you matter yknow??  
Jared: literally Everything Would Be The Same if i died lol  
Evan: no it wouldnt? 1) you'd be dead 2) i would be sad 3) our friends right here on this gc would be sad 4) you matter!!!!! really!!!!!! what would spaghetti do without you?   
Jared: i have lots of friends willing to take in a cat  
Jared: sadness lessens over time. yalld be fine  
Evan: do you know much about buddhism?  
Jared: ???what no???  
Evan: basically buddhists believe that suffering is caused by attachments. to rid yourself of attachments you have to meditate. everything is fleeting and it'll all disappear but you know what? new things will take its place. sure the good things dont last forever, but neither do the bad, yknow?  
Jared: heck   
Jared: thats a good point   
Evan: i know <3  
Jared: i still want to yeet myself out this window onto the concrete tho lol  
Evan: mood but dony dbxhhdjs that would hurt  
Jared: Evan I Love You To Death But That's Kind Of the Point  
Evan: wait back up jamnshabshdn  
[Jared has left the chat]  
Evan: stop DOING that omg bshdhx  
[Evan has added Jared to the chat]  
Jared: Let Me Leave :/  
Evan: no.  
Regina: Talk about your feelings, Jared!!!!! I'm living for this!!!!!  
Jared: regina i love u but shut up  
Evan: sooooooo  
Jared: i love all my friends even if im bad at showing it ok  
Regina: *Grease voice* Tell me more!  
Janis: "To Death"  
Janis: dare i say gay activity   
Jared: blokket  
Jared: my moms here!!! will update  
Jared: first of all i need to "look up from my phone for once"  
Jared: if i keep rockinh i'll "ruin my back"  
Jared: hm. im "so lazy" nd "reclusive" cause i dont want to be down there with her :/  
Jared: k shes gone  
Jared: im This Close to jumping out tje window lol  
Evan: hey do u want to come over   
Evan: I don't think being alone rn is good for you  
Jared: i gotta proofread my suicde note first rip  
Evan: Jared Lakota Kleinman I Am Autistic And Do Not Understand Sarcasm  
Jared: I Am Also Autistic And I Only Communicate In Sarcasm This Is Wild  
Jared: im joking. mostly.   
Jared: ya ill come over  
Jared: and look at some Trees And Heck With EbAn HaBsEb  
Regina: Have a gay time!  
Janis: REGINA DNJDDBDBHD  
Jared: wrow blokket  
Evan: plz dont trxt and drive  
Jared: im biking and texting  
Evan: hOW DJDNDJDH IS THAT EVEN JDJDDHHSH POSIBLE  
Zoe: don't bike and text u Useless Homo  
Jared: im not Useless im used by eyeryine all t hh  
Evan: ??  
Zoe: you ok?  
Jared: ah hexk  
Jared: im seem to be in a Bit of a Predocament  
Jared: [skingone.jpg]  
Evan: im there  
Regina: Please keep us updated!  
Evan: i gotcha [ok emoji]  
Evan: well im currently Running Behibd The Houses on our streets to get to the park  
Evan: I'm using text to speech to say this, by the way. I'm at the end of the street - two more and then a left into the park   
Jared: theres a stick. in my skjn. a fcufkign  
Jared: my entire left side has skin scrsped off This Is Awful  
Zoe: y'all think ev brought a first aid kit?  
Jared: We'll Figure It Out  
Evan: I am now on south street. In one more street I will be there I can't BREATHE  
Jared: jfc ok i have my inhaler so  
Jared: and one (1) bandaid it's moana ^u^  
Evan: aight ok no speech to txt bc i just threw up lmao gotta Motor i got my Water and my Depres wait jard you have ur inhaler thankngod  
Gretchen: aw evan hon feel better  
Jared: i feel like im being burnt alive  
Jared: i feel like i wasvhit bh a bus  
Regina: No you don't.   
Jared: o hecc sorry  
Regina: Asdfghjkl it's fine, I'm just messing with you.   
Jared: oh i think i twisted my ankle lol  
Zoe: im so sorry?!??! i wish i could help But Alas i am making Cookies because i am Stressed and if i Burn The House Down my parents will be Unhappy  
Jared: I SEE EVAN  
Jared: EVAN I SEE YOUFHFBNF  
Jared: evan, upon seeing me: "hooooly shiiiit that looks painful oof"  
Jared: "u need bandages" wow i  
Jared: aJjdbdbdbv nsJfjdh?!?!?!  
Jared: [he hath bequeathed his shirt.jpg]  
Jared: "i'm mAKING BANDAGES WIHT THIS U DCIK"  
Regina: Gay activity.   
Jared: sndbdbbdncn be quiet  
Evan: he wont shut up omfg  
Jared: [shirt bandage in action.jpg]  
Evan: hes covered in scrapes oof  
Evan: All right make sure jared isn't here until The End Of our Emotional conversation  
Jared: ive been banned from the groupchat :/  
Zoe: ahut up jared go tlak to him  
Jared: h  
Regina: Okay, it's been a good three minutes. I can't wait anymore  
Jared: evan is Concerned  
Jared: thats all  
Evan: guys look?? [coveredinscrapes.jpg]  
Zoe: jfc?????  
Jared: I'm Not Going To A Hospital, So Don't Try.   
Regina: Big mood.   
Jared: he's bandaginj my shoulder now  
[Jared has turned off the history]  
Jared: HE'S HOT AND SHIRTLESS AND IDK WHAT TO DO?!?!!!?!????!  
Zoe: oh my god  
Gretchen: scnahdjnfissjdbb  
Jared: wrow  
[Jared has turned on the chat history]  
Damian: not to kill the vibe but couldn't y'all go back to one of y'all's houses??  
Jared: wed have to go to evans he wants to cover this until we get there fndnnccn  
Alana: I could drive u guys to Evan's house? im about to leave for mathletes so  
Jared: would you?  
[Jared shared his location with Alana]  
Alana: be right there!!  
Evan: we stan <3  
Evan: my hands are covered in blood :/ thanjs jared  
Jared: ur welcome   
Alana: im here dnahsgdgs  
Evan: i see u!!  
Evan: the challenge is getting Jared there  
Regina: Just carry him bridal-style so his right side is against you (because he was hurt on the left)  
Evan: I Cant Believe Jared Is My Wife  
Jared: djfhdhdbbshdjcdbdhhsb  
Alana: [them.mov]  
Cady: nandhshsndbf jareds just like Yeah This Is Where I Belong  
Gretchen: Biggest Mood  
Jared: hhh skin hurtey  
Damian: im trying so hard not to find this funny dbssgsvsv  
Damian: also ive been reading smut for four hours  
Janis: damian what  
Damian: hey some of these authors are rlly good!!!  
Janis: im nOt debating that i mean What as in 1) why are u reading smut 2) why have u been reading for 4 hours 3) why did u feel the need to tell us this 4) what fandoms  
Damian: skdksksks 1) bc i wsnt to?? it's educational 2) because i Can. 3) trying to prove im the wolrds biggest mess 4) hh mostly be more chill & heathers but since I Am A Bad Person im also reading hamilton smut fndhshfjjfn  
Janis: damian i cant believe-  
Jared: let him LIVE janis if he wants to read about the founding fathers with each others dixkd do fbf db hey this is evan im so sorry about him  
Janis: NDHSHSHDBC  
Damian: JDJDJSSNKSKSKS  
Regina: Why are you guys like this?  
Damian: it's called im gay  
Regina: Oh same.   
Jared: e c a n h a b s e n  
Evan: ecan habsen  
Jared: SHUT UP YOUR HECK  
Evan: :(  
Jared: :0 :(  
Evan: :)  
Jared: :D !!!!!  
Regina: Ew, stop, this is too pure.   
Zoe: big mood  
Evan: im reading these to alana as they come in she says to tell u guys to do ur math homework bc she Knows u wont do it. shes right,  
Zoe: snxbcvbsbd tell her i said no  
Evan: she says "zoe i will break into your house and give you an agressive hug"  
Zoe: !!!!! yay !!!!!  
Jared: sto p yall im Single And Lonely  
Evan: MIG BOOD  
Evan: wait no-  
Jared: mig bood  
Gretchen: mig bood  
Zoe: my cookies are done!!!!!!  
Jared: SAVE SOME ILL BE THERE   
Evan: k we gotta go bye yall  
Cady: bye we Love You


	5. this is so sad alexa play linkin park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i refuse to accept "mark evan hansen" sorry :/   
> Cw suicide ideation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jesus camp was so wild and im exhausted lmao

Zoe >>>>> Karen, 04:14

Zoe: ok so!!!!!! regina hinted that u had some info abt alana?? lmao this is so out of the blue sorry  
Karen: no it's okay! :-)   
Karen: we were playing truth or dare the other day. (i was wearing this really cute oradnge and yellow top!!) regina couldnt think of anything so she asked her, if she was dating someone, what she would be looking for in a partner -  
Karen: - and she was like "funny, sweet, understanding, comppasionate, beutiful, nice hair, accepting" etc - regina asked who she was talking about -  
Karen: - which ended up being the 'truth' question. she said you. it was really cute, achually. do you like her too? :-)  
Zoe: maybe a little bit But u have to promise to not tell Anyone  
Karen: :O yay!!!!! i cant wait for you guys to start dating!!!!!  
Zoe: idk karen i dont think she likes me  
Karen: no she does!! I was their!! U should ask her out :-)  
Zoe: ,,,maybe <3

Zoe >>>>> Janis  
Zoe: [karen1.jpg] [karen2.jpg]  
Janis: JDNDBDBSBS AAAAAA  
Janis: ASK HER OUT!!!!!!!!  
Zoe: snnshddhchhe no!!!!!  
Zoe: NO WAY janis I Am A Coward  
Janis: habzbxbbxhsb  
Zoe: im am Not a brave lesbian  
Janis: mood  
Zoe: i just like her a lottttttt  
Zoe: press f to play despacito  
Janis: NXBSBSBXBSBBX  
Zoe: chsnbdbzbsbxb  
Janis: this is how the gays talk  
Zoe: It Sure Do Be How The Gays Talk!  
Janis: zoe im Beggin u to tell her  
Zoe: !!!!! no  
Janis: ok mood but my point still stands

i dont wanna be here, 09:19  
Jared: [bandages1.jpg, bandages2.jpg, bandages3.jpg]  
Jared: he had to go to the store and get another box lmao oof  
Regina: Why Are You Only Just Telling Us This?  
Jared: JXBDHXHDBJSBX SORRY I FOROGT BC EV AND I WERE WATCHING HGTV  
Janis: what show!!!  
Jared: first chip and joanna, tben we hate-watched that vegas one??? i cant remember the name of the show but they had this obnoxiously huge bright blue chandelier over the table like Bruh who does that??  
Alana: are you okay? (In reference to the bandages, not the tv, but yknow that too)  
Jared: ive sprained my ankle and have trouble walking now and every inch of my body where i was scraped feels like it's burning!!!! im fine  
Alana: i'm studying to be a doctor and in my gay opinion you should go to a doctor  
Evan: [jare.mp4] nzbxbsbxb hes so happy i am going to Die i Love him!!!!!  
Jared: EVAN LEVI HANSEN  
Zoe: are u guys watching moana!!!!! thats highkey my comfort movie tm  
Evan: yes!!!!!!!!  
Evan: [angery.jpg]  
Alana: flapping is Probably Not Good For The Healing Process but u get a free pass because you're gay  
Jared: Gee Thanks Alana  
Alana: anytime :)  
Zoe: lana he was being sarcastic i think   
Alana: ik i was too dndbcndbd  
Zoe: oh sorry fbbdbb  
Alana: youre fine <3  
Jared: autism culture is this conversation   
Zoe: thats fair bdbdbdb  
Cady: yall wild cnncxbxbdn  
Janis: "you get a free pass because youre gay" bmood  
Alana: dont "bmood" me I Am My Own Woman-  
Janis: bmood  
Alana: i. i invited that  
Janis: yeah we love u tho  
[Regina has changed their chat name to EggRegg]  
EggRegg: Sup, y'all?  
Alana: regina what tf   
Damian: HOWS U DO THt  
[Damian has changed their chat name to Gaymian]  
Gaymian: iconique we stan a king  
Zoe: cbdbdbsbdbdbsjsjdj why  
[Janis has changed their chat name to panic! at the disco ]  
panic! at the disco: hi yalll  
Panic! at the disco: im a leabian  
EggRegg: Leabian  
Panic! at the disco: shh  
Gaymian: hshsvshd now i can fi ally read ajnis and jareds comvos withtout mixjgn them up  
EggRegg: Major "oof" @ your spelling.   
Gaymian: shh h  
EggRegg: No.   
Panic! at the disco: DAMIAB DBDBCBDBD SHES GON KILL U  
gaymian: damiab

i dont wanna be here, 13:22  
Evan: hahhxbxbshdbsbshx i want To Die lol  
Evan: nothing i do rlly matters??? i wish id never been born lmao everything hurts so bad  
Evan: it doesn't matter none of it matters i  
Evan: u can do whateevr uou want and in the end it dowsnt even matter  
Evan: it doesnt even natter how hard yug try  
Zoe: 1. isn't that a Linkin Park sonh  
Zoe: 2. i th nvm alsnas typing & shes much smarter. alana do ur thing  
Alana: Have you ever heard the story about the boy walking along the beach picking up starfish?  
Evan: ?? nope dknt think so  
Alana: So a boy is wandering along the beach and he keeps seeing starfish that have been washed up to shore. He knows that theyll never be able to make it back to the ocean himself, so every time he comes across one, he throws it back. (1/3)  
Alana: There's a man on the beach walking the other direction. When he sees the boy he asks what he's doing, and the boy tells him. The man says, "but there are so many starfish! No matter how many you throw, it wont make a difference" (2/3)  
Alana: the boy picks up another starfish and tosses it into the water. He says, "it made a difference to that one." (3/3)  
Alana: maybe nothing matters and we'll die and rot in the ground. maybe there's nothing after this. but just by being here, you make a difference.   
Evan: ya point   
Evan: but not a Good difference  
Alana: *falsettos voice* god youre impossible  
Evan: cbfbdbbxbzbs im right tho   
Zoe: nah bruh u arent  
Zoe: nah nah nah  
Evan: LyInG iS a SiN  
Zoe: if it was a lie i'd face god and walk backwards into hell. you're wrong  
Alana: rt  
Zoe: im a lot less eloquent but yall jnow what i mean. evan stfu u are a Valuable Person  
Alana: Let Him Speak  
Alana: we can tell him he's wrong after hes done  
Evan: gljcncc cfnfbfjdnx   
Panic! at the disco: rt at alana n zoe   
Panic! at the disco: ev are u on antidepressants  
Evan: yeah  
Panic! at the disco: (oh me too what ones???) when was the last time u saw ur psychiatrist  
Evan: sertrailine 50mg, and xanax idk the dose, and two months ago  
Alana: coward! sertrailine 150mg, bucpropion 90mg  
Zoe: wellbutrin lmao  
Zoe: it makes anxiety a Big Heck  
Evan: rt i was on it abd. Not Good For Me  
Alana: oof  
Panic! at the disco: evan go see ur psychiatrist!!!   
Alana: hey, where's Jared? usually he's summoned by evan saying smthg sad? and comes breaking down the door like " i love u but you're an idiot"  
Panic! at the disco: yeah rt??? hes usually here???  
Evan: maybe if we make a pentagram with obscene humour, death jokes, gay jokes, illegal technology, and monster energy drinks he'll show up?  
Cady: IM LATE BUT ev life is worth it And This Is Coming From Me also yeah that would 100% summon him lol  
Evan: fhfjjddbdb  
Evan: nah im sure hes sleeping or w/e  
Panic! at the disco: its 1pm???  
Evan: janis trust me we've been friends foruhhhhhh an entire decade i think  
Evan: this is early for him  
Zoe: SHDHDBDBDD GUYS?? CONNOR JUST GRABBED MY PHONE AND READ THE NOTIFS???? ALL HE SAID WAS BIG  
MOOD HE GAVE IT BACK? ??? ?? ???? ?? ???????  
Evan: tag urself im connor anasgsvdbd  
Evan: [idrewapentagram.jpg]  
Jared: The Madman Actually Did It  
Evan: WHDBSBJSKSNDD WHATTHEFCUK IM SCARED  
Evan: I CANT BELEIVE THAT WORKED FBDBFBDBDNDN  
Panic! at the disco: OH MY GOD HDHSHSHDBDHD  
Zoe: JARED ARE YOU REAL?!?!?!!?!?  
Jared: no  
Alana: Jared whERe WeRe YoU   
Jared: waiting to be summoned??? duh  
Evan: this is so wild alexa play young god by halsey?????  
Evan: IM AT MY GRANDMOTHERS HOUSE I FORGOT SHE HAD ALEXA? SO I SAID IT OUT LOUD?? GUESS WHAT TF JUST HAPPENED???? OH MY GOD????  
Jared: did. did the whole house get to hear young god by halsey.   
Evan: IDJDJHDBDDB YEAH  
Panic! at the disco: EVAN DJFJFHFH HOWD SHE FEELA BOUT IT  
Evan: shES NOT HERE SHES SHOPPINH W MY MOM?????  
Evan: SHES NOT RELATED TO MY MOM????? THIS IS MY DADS MOM????? LITERALLY SHE LOVES HER DAUGHTER IN LAW MORE THAN HER SON???????  
Alana: me as a mom wtf  
Panic! at the disco: this is so wild alexa play the smartphone hour?!?  
eggRegg: I just got here and wow, there's a lot happening   
Panic! at the disco: dbsbdbdbd ya  
Evan: i mean my dad's horrible so it's fair jejdhdhfhfb but w/o context it sounds sO HORRIBLE DNDNDNDN  
Zoe: connor just screamed "i like dudes" bmood  
Zoe: i heard a craah????  
Zoe: "we know, connor, now whatd u break" - my dad   
Zoe: "nOt MuCh JuSt ThE fIrEpLaCe" - connor  
Evan: hOW DO YOU BREAK A FIREPLACE  
Zoe: I DONT KNOW FNDNSBDBDB  
Zoe: [painting.jpg] this easel takes up most of my room but It's Worth It  
Alana: um thats so cool????? i love the yellow???  
Zoe: ty?? <3  
Alana: [djdbsbdbdbahHDHSB.jpg]  
Jared: "can i come over" "yes but im not wearing a shirt" "where's that picture of the car goin rlly fast" im SOBBING ALANA-  
Jared: [car for alana.jpg]  
Alana: thanks dndbdbdbb  
panic! at the disco: big mood zoe  
Panic! at the disco: big mood  
Cady: i can confirm????? i dropped by yesterday she was wearing just a bra and high waisted shorts????  
Panic! at the disco: IT WAS A NICE BRA OK  
Cady: I MEAN YES BUT IF I HAVE TO BE INSECURE SO DO U  
Jared: yall full of the worms biggest moods

 


	6. someone needs to Remove Connor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cw: suicide ideation, sibling abuse, transphobia, wbc ( being made fun of but still ), f slur (bc of wbc lmao), deadnaming, verbal/emotional abuse, implied csa,,,, this is so sad alexa play linkin park literally almost all of the tws are bc connor lmaoooooo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how old u have to be to get gender confirmation surgeries exactly bUT the murphys are rich they can do what they want thats capitalism babe

i dont wanna be here, 14:19  
Zoe: oh connors mad again oof  
Zoe: "I DIDNT BREAK THE FIREPLACE??????? WDYM I BROKE THE FIREPLACE????? IM JUST TRYING TO BE HAPPY AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET????? ALL OF YOU ARE SO UNFAIR" etc  
Alana: u okay?  
Zoe: nope!  
Zoe: [blanketfort.jpg] i emotionally regress to a seven year old in times of stress apparently   
Alana: is there anyhring i can do  
Zoe: how good are u at baking cookies??  
Alana: ??? i mean mediocre??   
Zoe: after connor calms his heck ill come over and stress bake if thats ok???? u get cookies out of it????  
Alana: sounds good what kind do u want bc i can go get smth if u need?  
Zoe: hhh ummmm chocote chunk w/ powdered sugar, & sugar cookies w pink lemonade frosting  
Alana: pink lemonade frosting?!?!!? That exists?!?!?!  
Zoe: yES N ITS SO GOOD  
Zoe: oh n dw abt supplies ill come w u to shaws to get w/e we need  
Alana: u sure?  
Zoe: positive <33  
eggRegg: 26 of my 29 unread messages are just lesbianism. I don't know if I should be proud or disappointed.   
Panic! at the disco: wait wait where wasn't there lesbianism. this is a crime  
Zoe: me cncnxndnbd  
Zoe: [connor.mp4] ik it's a recording of darkness my pillow fort is Rlly Good  
Gaymian: your brother - literally tells you to kill yourself  
Gaymian: you - i have a nice pillow fort uwu ^v^ :) < :~ )  
Zoe: It's Called Coping, Damian, Haven't You Heard Of It?  
Jared: not to be racist but u need to get tf out of that house   
Zoe: how is that racist  
Jared: i just said it wasn't do u even listen!!?!??!??1!!1?1?1?1!?  
Zoe: snabddhsgabd jj dnnsnnssb  
Jared: im not white i can make that joke  
Gaymian: me when ppl tell me to stop singing wbc songs bc theyre homophobic lmao  
Zoe: HAVENT YOU PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF OBEYING THE WORD OF GOD NO ITS MUCH BETTER TO FACE THESE KINDS OF THINGS WITH A SENSE OF PRIDE AND IMMORALITY-  
Gaymian: WHAT A SHAME ITS ALL F*GS, F*G P*MPS, AND WH*RES  
Gaymian: so should i censor pimps im Unclear  
Zoe: idk man idk  
Zoe: this is from earlier i censored my deadname [connor being a bad person.mp3]  
Alana: oh bby :'( <3  
Alana: ilu  
Zoe: ly2 <3  
Gretchen: Kill him.   
Panic! at the disco: IM TERRIFIED AND SLIGHTLY AROUSED YOU GO GRETCHEN  
Gretchen: SCREENSHOTTED DNDBDBDBDBNF  
eggRegg: Janis- I'm a top!!!!1! Also Janis- [Terrified?.jpg]  
Panic! at the disco: 1. I literally just said that u dont need to senf the screenshot? 2. [its true but she shouldn't say it.jpg]  
Gretchen: we can lesbian later someone needs to Remove Connor  
Zoe: dnndcbvn ndnsnd bbhcbbfnv  
Zoe: im fine rlly  
Alana: with all due respect stfu  
Zoe: my mom just asked my dad if they should send him back to the hospital there goes my drivers ed money again :)  
Zoe: "I DONT NEED A HOSPITAL I NEED YOU TO CARE ABOUT ME I NEED MY 'BROTHER' TO COME OUT OF 'HIS' ROOM AND TO STOP BEING SUCH A COWARD"  
Alana: jesud chrjsg  
Zoe: ive been out since age 7 and on testosterone blockers since 10. i started e at 12. im 14. it has been s e v e n y e a r s since i told him i was a girl how has it nOT SUNKEN IN YET JFC  
Gretchen: kill. him.   
Alana: im gonna beat ur brother up  
Zoe: i mean go right ahead but also h o n e y youre 5'4 and not enrolled in gym class. do u know proper punching form   
Alana: is this relevant?!????!!  
Zoe: very???  
Alana: th a ts fair  
eggRegg: You guys are blowing up my phone.   
eggRegg: *girls   
eggRegg: But my point still stands

Connor >>>>> Zoe  
Connor: come out of your room   
Connor: coward  
Connor: lmao this is why no one loves you  
Connor: won't even come out of your room and face the truth  
Connor: cmon. get out here. man up  
Connor: god i'm gonna kill u  
Connor: useless piece of shit  
Connor: cmon out   
Connor: you cant hide in there forever   
Connor: i hope you die in there  
Connor: i really hope you die  
Connor: you never loved me and i never loved you   
Connor: we all know your only good for one thing  
Connor: not even that anymore actually lmao  
Connor: u can get as many surgeries as u want and it wont change the truth!!!! your still a guy and youre still unlovable and what i did was 100% deserved  
Connor: guess it didnt change you lol  
Connor: eh. it was the last thing i could do  
Connor: freak

i dont wanna be here, 14:29  
[Zoe has turned off the chat history]  
Zoe: i dnt feel safe anymre i doyn feel safe  
Zoe: [connor1.jpg, connor2.jpg]  
Zoe: im not????? safe???? im never safe????? and i dont even remember most of anything   
Alana: zoe you cant stay in that house im sorry but you cant  
Zoe: i have to i cant get out  
Alana: theres always the window?  
Zoe: im recovering from a fat redistribution surgery alana if my hips touch anythig I Will Die  
Alana: oh right dnnxvbejsjejshsh  
Zoe: i mean i can walk but im not risking it connor would 100% think its funny to punch right over the drain cites or smth  
Evan: wait zoe u got surgery??  
Alana: ya she got fat taken from her waist and put onto her hips nd a skin graft on her hips b/c they Wouldnt Grow  
Alana: this was last month fhdhdbrb so it's not like, recent  
Alana: the technique they use on trans surgeries is rlly fascinating and i am off topic sorry-  
Zoe: its ok im glad youre excited abt it  
Alana: <3  
Alana: hh ok so. would u feel safe going out the back door?  
Zoe: nope  
Zoe: i cant leave my pillow fort  
Alana: oof  
Zoe: yea :/  
Alana: [wholesomememes.folder]  
Zoe: ^~^ ilu  
Alana: most are from r/wholesomememes so if u deplete this stash go ahead and add more  
eggRegg: Alana just used "deplete" in casual conversation and I've never been so proud   
Jared: rt  
Jared: sweetie we love u  
Alana: remember, very gay  
Jared: So Am I, Your Point?  
Panic! at the disco: rt lmao  
Evan: yall wild  
Jared: ;)  
Evan: SBDBSBBBR NO???  
Zoe: thats my joke??? perish  
Jared: OUCH  
Cady: lmaooo  
Zoe: "why don't we go on a walk connor" "i dont Want to go on a walk" "oh,," mY DAD SOUNDS SO DISAPPOINTED?????  
Zoe: "cmon lets go get pinkberry" "youre gonna make me pay" "when did i say that" "bye mom we'll be at pinkberry"  
Zoe: im safer now  
Zoe: i heard the door shut  
Alana: can i drive over nd pick u up?  
Zoe: ya but the other day my mom said "omg i so ship zoe and alana! Theyre my otp!" So beware  
Alana: jNEJSJDBDHDBRBDJJAJDNDNDJDBDBFBDBDBDBSBSN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE BINCH I BET U THOUGHT THE MURPHYS WERE HOMOPHOBIC????? CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF THEY'RE PARENTS WHO MAKE MISTAKES NOT SATAN INCARNATE


	7. theyre all useless nd gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cw for the h slur?? it's used jokingly but jsyk. And tw for disordered eating  
> also MY PHONE IS FINALLY FIXED?!? LIKE IT WORKS NOW????? !!!!!!!

i dont wanna be here, 17:38  
[Alana has turned on the chat history]  
Alana: zoe baked 8 batches of cookies   
Jared: stress bake much?  
Zoe: fbbdbbdbdfb i cant stop   
Zoe: thees so many cookies  
Zoe: also i have a gf  
Alana: i do too  
Alana: [gfs.jpg]  
eggRegg: Oh my God, you finally got together!!  
Panic! at the disco : "fimally" jsndjdf  
Cady: Fimally?  
panic! at the disco: WAIT NO  
Jared: them,,, them Love,,,,,  
Jared: lov,,,,,,,,,,,  
Jared: lov them,,,   
Jared : My GO R L S  
Jared: im a proud Father in this chiilis tonight  
Evan: chiilis  
Jared: dnnjdjdkckDhdhxhensjakd   
eggRegg: One set of useless gays has talked about their emotions! Now we work on the other one  
Jared: wdym  
Jared: OH  
Jaredg: SHUT UP cFNDNSHDB  
eggRegg: Never.   
Cady: i am confusion??  
Jared: allg regina is just,,,, unkind  
Cady: ya yr not wrong  
EggReg: Ouch  
Zoe: im lov my gf !!!  
Alana: im love u too!!!!! <3  
Zoe: we arrive,, at the prison gates  
Zoe: [home.jpg]  
Evan: "prison gates" u ok there  
Zoe: not ok & im gonna record my mom when i tell her me n alana are dating  
Jared: I CANT WAIT FOR THIS  
Zoe: [gorlfs.mov]  
Jared: *sees linked hands* *screams* mY OTP IS CANON NOW  
Cady: ship - sailed  
girls - in love  
mom - proud  
zoe and alana are forcibly removed from the dating field  
Alana: pOly remember   
Cady: oh yea dndbsbebdb  
Panic! at the disco: so how'd y'all get together help a gay useless lesbian out   
Zoe: "gay lesbian"  
Alana: oh she just kissed me   
Zoe: yep just grabbed her and kissed her. and then had a panic attack but thats not the point  
Alana: useless lesbian! i love her but. wrow  
Panic! at the disco: so youre telling me u have no advice for us well communicating homos?  
Zoe: janis blease,,,,,, you made an Entire groupchat cause u had a gay crisis at like 3am so u have No room to talk  
Panic! at the disco: shut up dhshdhdhdb  
Cady: :O and i wasnt invited?!?  
Panic! at the disco: ypU WERE SL E E P I N G  
Jared: that was a wild chat  
eggRegg: [carpet.jpg]  
Evan: "The PROBLEM is that my mom will NOT be happy if she finds out two teenage boys were giving each other handjobs on the new carpet!!!!!" im Crying what was Going On  
eggRegg: Like three gay crisises at once  
eggRegg: You didn't miss much, don't worry   
Jared: *screams*  
Jared: regina youre So Mean?!?  
Panic! at the disco: Regina, I'm Going To Kill You  
Panic! at the disco: there was a Strict no screenshots rule  
Gretchen: regina be careful!! [jared.jpg]  
Alana: "if anyone breathes a Word of what went down in this chat ill kill u" sounds like jared  
Jared: You guys are all so mean.   
EggRegg: He's Coming For My Brand  
Evan: shhdhshdbdshdhxhcb  
Cady: I M B I  
Evan: we know this and we love you  
Aaron: dndbcbdhdbbfxbn  
Panic! at the disco: i should take up running,,  
Cady: janis what are you high  
Panic! at the disco: new year new me yknow  
Cady: its august??  
Panic! at the disco: and????  
Panic! at the disco: check my sc  
Jared: i doNt haVe SC :/  
Panic! at the disco: [runnin.jpg]  
Jared: "im a new woman" shdhdhsbsbs what is u doing  
Cady: uh guys??? janis just b O l t E d down the street in shorts and a sports bra?????? shem bolt?? [jan?.jpg]  
Panic! at the disco: CONFIDENTIAL FOOTAGE?!?  
Cady: are you like. ok  
Panic! at the disco: never been better  
Jared: how r u texting if ur running  
Panic! at the disco: its called Multitasking jared u Heck  
Jared: why yall so Mean  
Panic! at the disco: <3  
Panic! at the disco: u know u love me  
Jared: against my better judgement  
Panic! at the disco: OUCH  
eggRegg: I'm crying, nicely played, Jared  
eggRegg: I feel like that every day :)  
Jared: OUMPH  
Evan: tbh janis you've inspired me to get back into swimming  
Jared: wwwait whyd you quit? u loved swimming  
Evan: i was too self conscious djdhhhzh  
Jared: fair  
Jared: but youll start again!!  
Evan: maybe,, i mean it could be fun  
Jared: ya rt like if u wanna do it then go for it pal

eggRegg >>>>> Jared  
eggRegg: You just wanna see him in a swimsuit lmao  
Jared: um No?!?! im a man of culture?!?! i wanna watch his muscles,,  
Jared: and his gorgeous body,,,  
Jared: he has fReCkLeS regina,,,,  
Jared: hes so gorgeous it actually Hurts,,,,,  
EggRegg: You just quoted Taylor Swift at me.

i dont wanna be here, 18:14  
eggRegg: Jared just quoted Taylor Swift at me, more at seven.   
Panic! at the disco: wait yall are together?  
Jared: no shes a lesbian??  
eggRegg: Private messages exist, Janis  
Janis: sndhhddhdb @ both of u

eggRegg >>>>> Jared  
eggRegg: So long story short, you want to see him in a swimsuit  
Jared: well yeah???  
Jared: im sorry it's not my fault he's hot  
eggRegg: It's not my fault that you need to allude to your secret desire to be dicked down by Evan Hansen in every single conversation, but go off, I guess  
Jared: NAHSVSDHDBJAMSBDBSNSJS SHUT UP REGINA  
eggRegg: No.   
Jared: [itstruebutyoushouldntsayit.jpg]  
eggRegg: Asdfghjkl  
eggRegg: At least you're honest  
Jared: *hamilton voice* i wont apologize because its true  
eggRegg: Sometimes... things that are true... are worse  
Jared: im sorry hes hot and im gay i dont know what else to say i wont hide my True Feelings if ur gonna b so blunt abt them??  
eggRegg: I didn't expect you to like, admit to it or anything  
Jared: dnabdhdnqjdjdjsfn

i dont wanna be here, 18:27  
Zoe: YO YO YO MY NAME IS ZOE I AM A POET I WROTE THIS POEM JUST TO SHOW IT AND I AM FOURTEEN YOU CAN WRITE RHYMES BUT YOU CANT WRITE MINE  
Alana: zoe pls,,,  
Zoe: im dating an icarus,,, she has flown too clsoe to the sun  
Alana: too clsoe  
Zoe: HHdhddhbd SILENCE

Alana >>>>> Zoe  
Alana: cmERE BABE I MISS U ITS BEEN TEN MINUTES AND THIS VIDEO IS GOOD  
Zoe: !!!!!!! im There  
Alana: thats Gay zoe  
Zoe: and ur point is what  
Alana: baby pls,,, shh  
Zoe: !!!!! ok !!!!!!

i dont wanna be here, 18:41  
Alana: zoe has a nicknanb jicj rbbdfyf hey its zoe!!!! i hate my gf  
Jared: Let Her Speak   
Alana: as i was Saying zoe has a. Ngnnngjjeb alANA I AHTE YIB Hse has. A   
Jared: What Does She Have  
Alana: nvm ive been Threatened shdfhdbdvciskfkdbdh  
Jared: I GOTTA KNOW  
Zoe: ignore her shayafdgshqjsh  
Zoe: were aLLg it was a PrANk  
Alana: [zoee.jpg]  
Cady: shes so red omg  
Jared: ahahsehbdbcgjo My Daughter  
Zoe: does that make u my  
Jared: ZOE NO  
Zoe: thats what i thought  
Alana: i fkr one do Not approve of this  
eggRegg: Everyone's so gay today, I think the water might be turning us all gay  
Panic! at the disco: it tuRnS thE fReAkInG fRoGs GaY  
Evan: gnight yall  
Jared: its 6pm???  
Evan: im Tired a Lot has Happened  
Jared: again its 6pm?????  
Evan: hsng on  
Evan: [shakey.mov] thats how shakey ny hands are  
Jared: did u eat anything today  
Evan: i um didnt wsnt to order anything so,,, not rlly??  
Jared: evsn im gonna beat u up u need to eat????  
Evan: no im fine dw ifs fine  
Jared: .. have u had anything to Drink  
Evan: lemonade, water, monster energy  
Jared: monster on,, an empty stomach,,,,, That explains it  
Jared: jfc snshshssg   
Jared: im at my grabdmas rn or else id bring u smth im sorry :/  
Jared: do u have Any Food In Your House  
Evan: im not Hungry  
Jared: ????-  
Evan: its allg  
Evan: ill eat tmrw dnndbdbdb  
Jared: it is Not allg?????  
Jared: ill b over there in the mornin to make u some Food  
Evan: mkay fine  
Evan: good night yall


	8. i typed out a Whole List of cognitive distortions for y'all and my thumbs are cramping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: suicide, self harm, self hatred, disordered eating,,,,   
> This chapter is self indulgent & unnecessary to the ""plot"" but here some dbt skills ive picked up from my therapist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would Never project onto jared kleinman, what do you mean? i wouldnt do that. hahahha im sorry-

Jared >>>>> panic! at the disco 

Jared: JaniS AM I A BAD PERSON  
Jared: 1/1 experts agree that i am so  
Panic! at the disco: uh no?? i mean ur an asshole but we love u. why,,?  
Jared: i feel Like Bad  
Jared: im Highkey compensating by making ev breakfast but like  
Panic! at the disco: (i see ur still typing but u call him ev? Ahshsgshs)  
Jared: this afternoon when he was upset i Wasnt There and i Watched The Whole Thing i Knew he wasnt ok and i Knew j shkuld help him but i didnt. conclusion: j am a bad pegson (& ues i do dbdbdbd)  
Panic! at the disco: firs tof all thats stupid  
Panic! at the disco: second of all i couldve done better??? i kinda jaht. watched t all go down too  
Jared: but at least u added in a little bit?? n sexonded things ppl said???  
Jared: o jsyt watched the whole thjgb go foen and j didnt wven help at all  
Jared: i sont even dessrve to be sad abt rhis????   
Jared: i wasnt there and now jm throwing MYSELF a puty paryu vecayse j wasnt the re sven though it was bh choise  
[Jared has left the chat]  
[panic! at the disco has added Jared to the chat]  
Panic! at the disco: shut up  
Panic! at the disco: its ok to be upset fkr othe rpeople!!!!!! it shows empathy!!!!! n sympathy!!!!!   
Jared: but i Didnt Help  
Jared: and he even helped me  
Jared: and i just  
Jared: froze??  
Panic! at the disco: jared youre so impossible  
Panic! at the disco: i See u typing hang On  
Panic! at the disco: u go in circles. "i treat people badly, therefore im a bad person. them being around me will hurt them, so i need to keep them away. i can do this by treating them badly, until they get tired of it and leave. i treat people badly, th" it goes on and on and ON  
Panic! at the disco: and frankly it hurts to watch you tear yourself down over little things that dont even matter????  
Panic! at the disco: like, it matters, but it's Not the biggest problem here   
Panic! at the disco: the problem is that you havent learned to love yourself & accept the things u cant & shouldn't change, and also change the things that bother you about yourself.   
Panic! at the disco: im not talking physically either. ur not the only one on r/proedmemes at 3am but we can work on that later  
Panic! at the disco: you need to accept yourself the way you are and you need to learn where your true flaws lie!! u cant be generalising yourself like "im a bad person" due to one (1) character trait.   
Panic! at the disco: & while im at it, u need to rlly learn whats bc of ur mental illnesses nd Stop Feeling Bad For Having Them!!!!!  
Panic! at the disco: and u need to stop wearing sweaters n jeans in summer its makin me hot :/ its summer :/ We're In Texas :/ tr*mp aint gonna do Anything to keep the weather from goin up so u better work on gettin used to it  
Panic! at the disco: my point is this. u cant and Shouldnt define urself by one (1) personality trait when u have a Lot of good ones!!!! u happen to freeze up in emotional social scenarios, so what? in 6th grade i told regina i was a "space alien and i have four butts" bc i didnt want to admit to being a lesbian. and thats a funny story but it can hurt to not be able to help  
Panic! at the disco: bc at the end of the day, you have a mental illness and it prevents u from communicating the way nts do and instead of feeling Bad about it u need to love yourself and accept urself the way u are  
Jared: if u tell Anyone u made me cry ill kill u  
Jared: youre 100% right and its 100% logical and it applies to everypne except me  
Jared: fundamentally unlovable, remember!!! rlly brings a damper to trying to improve  
Panic! at the disco: youre impossible gimme a moment i need Screenshots  
Panic! at the disco: im just gonna copy paste a collection of quotes from ur friends  
Panic! at the disco: from evan: "2) i would be sad 3) our friends right here on this gc would be sad 4) you matter!!!!! really!!!!!!"  
Panic! at the disco: from me: "i mean ur an asshole but we love u"  
Panic! at the disco: from evan: "hes so happy i am going to Die i Love him!!!!"  
Panic! at the disco: in conclusion wr love u u frickin frick  
Jared: sndndhfhfn cool still a bad person tho  
Panic! at the disco: have u ever considered therapy  
Jared: i cant go. people dknt care rlly until ur paseed out in the icu on a hospital bed  
Jared: my parents wont take me and i aint got the money for that  
Panic! at the disco: oh dbdbdbd i get that  
Panic! at the disco: lmoa my mom ddbt believe i was depressed until i was in tbe hospital with a ton of stitches up ny arms  
Jared: i was in the hospital witbt two (2) broken lehs and they fidnt even ask ehen i told them i was bein a teenage douche jumpin off a bridge On A Dare they beleievdd me lnao shdhhdjsjd  
Jared: im lucky my legs are working now tbh past me ws Dumb  
Jared: i wasnt suPOSED TO LIVD CBCBFBDB  
Jared: nd no one noticed!!!!!!!! so  
Jared: i mean it circles back to my point that im fundamentally unlovable lol  
Panic! at the disco: stop that youre quoting my 7th grade journal and i Dont Appreciate-  
Jared: shdhdhsbsbd  
Jared: nah but u Cant Change My Mind  
Jared: u make v good logical points w/ good reasoning n evidence  
Jared: i dont have any counter evidence or anything i just have rlly low self esteem ^v^  
Panic! at the disco: its called cognitive distortion  
Panic! at the disco: youre suffering from like, all of them  
Panic! at the disco:   
1\. All or nothing thinking - you see things in black and white (if your performance falls short, you see yourself as a total failure)  
0\. Overgeneralisation - u see a single negative event as a never ending pattern of defeat  
0\. Mental filter - you pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it so exclusively that your vision of all reality becomes darkened  
0\. Disqualifying the positive - you reject positive experiences by insisting they "dont count" for some reason or other  
0\. Jumping to conclusions - you make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that support your conclusion  
0\. Magnification/catastrophizing or minimisations: you exaggerate/shrink the importance of things  
0\. Emotional reasoning - "I feel it, therefore it myst be true"  
0\. Should statements - you try to motivate yourself wth shoulds and shouldn'ts, which leads ultimately to guilt  
0\. Labelling and mislabelling: extreme overgeneralisation- instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: "im a loser"  
0\. Personalisation: you see yourself as the cause of some negative external event for which, in fact, you were not primarily responsible  
Panic! at the disco: i just tuped allt hat out fkr u my thinbs Hurt are u Happy Now  
Jared: surprisingly u havent cured my depression  
Jared: but ya i see where ur coming from  
Panic! at the disco: reread 1, 2, 4, 6, 7, & 9  
Panic! at the disco: thosd seem closest to what ur doing  
Jared: bht its abt my feelings?? ofc my feelings make thingd true theyre mt Feelings  
Panic! at the disco: thats where youre wrong kiddo  
Panic! at the disco: this is abt your perception of yourself, not who you actuslly are  
Panic! at the disco: you see urself through broken glasses  
Panic! at the disco: you need to see clearly!!!! u need to take a step back and ask yourself what's Objectively True and what your brain has made up to hurt u  
Jared: h ik ur right but i dont want u to be  
Panic! at the disco: me wheneve rregjna speaks  
Jared: NDBSBDBSBSBSB

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i actually made myself feel better!!!!!!! wrow!!!!!  
> the cognative distortions lidt is 500% a self callout i need to Work On That jesus


	9. we stan bev and her wife

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes the "i thought unsafe binding was fine bc i didnt feel anything at the time" thing Did happen to me and lemme tell yall. i very nearly passed out on the stairs at school. for the love of god take binding breaks

i dont wanna be here, 02:14

Aaron: yall ever,,,,,,,, scream

i dont wanna be here, 02:38  
Zoe: whats wrong :(  
Aaron: i feel not good wndbbfbdhkfjf pm me if u can or sleep  
Aaron: u should probably sleep

Zoe >>>>> Aaron  
Zoe: so whats up??  
Aaron: OOF OK i havent even like. told anyone yet. likr my friends at school dknt know n my mom would be Angry if she knew but  
Aaron: im a trans dude. v v deep in the closet  
Aaron: and dysphoria is killing me™  
Aaron: imsorry i shouldbt have dumped this kn u ag three int he morning  
Zoe: no no it's fine  
Zoe: youre fine  
Zoe: are you like,, panic attack-y or depression-y  
Aaron: mostly panic attack-y  
Zoe: all rigt can u take a deep breath?  
Aaron: physically cant bcbdhdhdbd  
Aaron: i aint,,, the sharpest tool in the shed  
Zoe: (hey now youre an all star) im slightly apprehensive,, what did u do  
Aaron: ,,,,,,,,,,I Didn't Think Binding Overnight Was A Bad Idea  
Aaron: i cnat bresthe and i haveny been able to in a week  
Aaron: i feel like im being stab b e d  
Aaron: and it hurts a Lot  
Zoe: ok thats a problem um  
Zoe: i. rlly dont know what to do abt that  
Zoe: is it possible for u to wake up your parent/s??  
Aaron: theyre both asleep n neither believe me about it hurting so  
Zoe: thats. a problem yea  
Zoe: i thInk i had a friend who this happened to? he stopped binding for four days and by a week it had mostly stopped hurting. & he never slept while binding again so  
Aaron: the Extent Of The Problem is bad  
Zoe: oh god ,, like,,,, how bad,,,,,  
Aaron: "two xs sports bras continually for four months, can count the number of baths ive taken on one hand" kinda bad  
Zoe: thats pretty bad bro  
Aaron: mhm  
Aaron: iT doeSnT even HeLp mUch  
Zoe: look buddy you gotta stop binding like right now  
Aaron: I Do Not Understand The Request  
Zoe: I Understand The Temptation, But Unless You Want Your Ribcage To Be Deformed For The Rest Of Your Life, Which May Be Shorter If You Continue This Way, Then You Will Stop Binding  
Aaron: whyd u put that all in caps  
Zoe: the worlds rarest cryptid does what she wants AARON dont be CRYPTIDOPHOBIC  
Aaron: hshahshhahshehshshsh  
Aaron: paypal me five bucks and ill stop binding  
Aaron: .....thats 20  
Zoe: Do I Look Like I Care  
Aaron: ok mood  
Aaron: i took it off Are You Happy??  
Zoe: more happy yes  
Zoe: feel better at all?  
Aaron: the same. but it was getting worse w every breath so  
Zoe: thats good!!  
Zoe: is there anything else i can do?  
Aaron: not rlly  
Zoe: u sure?  
Aaron: ya  
Zoe: ill check up on u in the morning ok?  
Aaron: mkay <3  
Zoe: <3 gnight  
Aaron: gnight

i dont wanna be here, 04:10  
Panic! at the disco: im going running Right Now  
Panic! at the disco: i woke up and my brain goes "run!!!" so thats what i did

i dont wanna be here, 05:35  
Panic! at the disco: UPDATE i passed out  
Panic! at the disco: oops lol  
Panic! at the disco: im w this kind lady her name is beverly and she turned 92 yesterday [bev.jpg]  
Cady: yall squad goals but JANIS U PASSED OUT?!?  
Panic! at the disco: yeah um apparently running at 4am on an empty stomach and two (2) cans of monster w/in 15 minutes leads to Problems  
Panic! at the disco: beverly's wife has heart problems so she knows how to help someone w an overactive heart  
Cady: id die for beverly  
Panic! at the disco: samesies  
Panic! at the disco: i Love Her  
Gaymian: we need selfies!!!!!!!! we stan!!!!!!!!!!!  
Panic! at the disco: [bev.jpg, squadgoals.jpg, lesbiansolidarity.jpg]  
Gaymian: YALL SLAY  
Cady: WE LOVE N SUPPORT!!!!!  
Panic! at the disco: everyone be quiet now im eating mg french toast  
i dont wanna be here, 5:51  
Panic! at the disco: im done it was good toast


	10. i'm actually a human being and not a prop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw sexual assault, misogyny. i love karen smith

i dont wanna be here, 07:29

Panic! at the disco: bev and her wife are my moms now  
Panic! at the disco: my real mom knows im here btw its allg  
Panic! at the disco: [bevmarieandjanistheschuylersisters.jpg]   
Aaron: the tryler brothers  
Evan: djdhHDHSBSB I LOVE THAT EPISODE   
Panic! at the disco: i am confusion  
Aaron: theres an episode of the try guys where they try on corsets and then one of them refers to their group as the schuyler sisters but since theres four of them the last one in the row i cant remember who i like "the tRYLER BROTHERS!"   
Aaron: sorry i just rlly love the try guys  
Gaymian: dO U WATCH BUZZFEED UNSOLVED   
Aaron: YES OH MY GOD?!?  
Gaymian: SUPERNATURAL OR TRUE CRIME  
Aaron: bOTH BUT I LIKE SPN MORE TBH  
Gaymian: ME TOO?!?!  
Aaron: SHANEIAC OR BOOGARA  
Gamian: BOOGARA  
Aaron: SHANEIAC BUT BOOGARA-SYMPATHIZER  
panic! at the disco: wh A t are u talking about  
Gaymian: buZZFEED UNSOLVED?!?  
Aaron: gHOSTS!! DEMONS!! ALIENS!! MURDERERS!!  
Panic! at the disco: oh im in  
Aaron: hxjshshshsh  
[panic! at the disco has changed their name to lesbian]  
Lesbian: truth in advertising  
Regina: ...God, I still can't believe I'm blocked on Twitter by the "president."  
Lesbian: thats honestly iconic whatd u do to piss him off so bad   
Regina: I was mansplaining a couple of laws to him.   
Lesbian: hshsshsbjdhshs power move?!?!?!!?!?!  
Cady: regina im Crying what did u Say  
Regina: [trump1.jpg, trump2.jpg, trump3.jpg]  
Lesbian: i mean i see why he blocked u but i mean youre Not Wrong  
Regina: Bullying!  
Cady: yeah janis,, how could u,,,  
Cady: bully,,,,,  
Lesbian: CADDY im COMING FOR YOUR THROAT  
Jared: wait  
Jared: i missed smth  
Jared: cady has a choking kink?!?!?  
Cady: AHHDHSHSHSHSHSHS ?!?!  
Lesbian: JARED IM CRYING CAN U PLEASE. THINK BEFORE U SPEAK  
Regina: I'm with Janis on this one - I really don't ever need to think about my friends' sex lives. Especially Cady; she's too pure for that  
Lesbian: ACTUALLY REGINALD SEX ESPECIALLY LESBIAN SEX SHOULDNY HAVE THE SOCILA TABBOO IT CURRENTLY POSSESSES DUW TO THE CLASSIST CISHETEROSEXIST STANDARDS PUSHED ON THE COMMON PEOPLE  
Regina: Can I please leave the chat?  
Jared: Absolutely Not.   
Lesbian: ADDITIONALLY!!!!! ITS TOTAL BS THAT HETEROSEXUAL MEN ARE ALLOWED TO EXPRESS THEIR SEXUALITY BUT HETEROSEXUAL WOMEN ARENT. LIKE IT SHOULD BE THEIR CHOICE  
Karen: is jan yelling about intersectional feminism again? :-)  
Karen: it's not fair that women have all the blame when it comes 2 things like sexual assault. shouldnt we teach boys not to do that? :-)  
Lesbian: shes right yknow  
Cady: we stan a legend !!!!!!  
Aaron: RT HDHHFHFHHFH  
Zoe: SHES RIGJT!!!!!  
Cady: karen are you, like, ok ???  
Karen: men are implicitly told that it's okay to hurt women because they're pretty much taught that women's bodies are their property  
Karen: and i mean that applies to anyone with less testosterone. if you "look female" / dont look male, men think they're in charge of you??  
Karen: and what else is gross is how much emphasis is put on women shaving??? we don't need 2. the only type of humans that dont have body hair that i can think of is bald people and children.   
Karen: gay male couple emoji, lesbian couple emoji  
Karen: people w more estrogen shouldnt have 2 learn that men r going 2 hurt them. bc some men r good. but all men have that deepset innate sense of "this persons body is inferior and therefore belongs to me"  
Karen: like... im here because i want to be here not because i want to be stared at! eyes emoji, knife emoji, dancer emoji, caucasian thumbs down emoji  
Cady: really tho karen are u ok  
Karen: i'm okay :-)   
Karen: how r u ? :-)  
Cady: oh im fine thanks for askin  
Cady: you're right though!!!!! women's bodies shouldnt exist for men's consumption. the way cis men think they own 'women's bodies is so gd gross an i Hate It.   
Cady: karen youre rlly smart <3  
Karen: blushing emoji, heart with sparkles emoji, book emoji, kiss emoji  
Gretchen: karen ily  
Karen: ily too! :-)  
Cady: awwwww  
Cady: but rlly?! I didn't have to deal w that in africa. most women didnt wear shirts and no one batted an eye. karens right  
Cady: youre really smart karen  
Karen: thanks cady :-) smiley face, lipstick, kitty paw


	11. bold of u to assume i know how to do titles. please help i cant name fics anymore. ive run out of song lyrics. someone pls pay for my assassination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> can i get an f in the chat ?????

i dont wanna be here, 14:34

Damian: im so cold,,,  
Lesbian: what. it's literally like. 5000 degrees  
Damian: im COLD  
Damian: im LITERALLY SHIVERINH  
Damian: MY FINGERS R TURNING BLUE  
Cady: oh no damian are you okay?! :o  
Damian: ??? I dont know ??? Im am so cold.   
Regina: On a scale of one (room temperature) to ten (my heart), how cold are you?  
Damian: ten   
Regina: Oh, that's unfortunate.   
Jared: REGINA WILL U PLS MAKE A TYPO,,, PLEASE,,,  
Regina: Absolutely not! Thanks for asking, though.   
Jared: wow  
Evan: *wrow  
Jared: OH SO SORRY EVAN MY GOOD SIR  
Evan: hdjsjsdjksjd dont sAY that  
Cady: evan just came out as either a bottom or a top yall. i cant tell which from that text but i can infer   
Damian: whaf  
Cady: damian do u really not understand...  
Damian: no i understand i just. caddy why  
Lesbian: cady dear,,, your poor innocence,,,, im sorry ive destroyed it,,,,,,,  
Cady: Bold Of You To Assume I Had Any Innocence To Begin With  
Lesbian: true  
Lesbian: caddy what are u inferring about evan. inqueering minds want go know   
Evan: "inqueering"  
Cady: hes a top  
Cady: inquiring but. but it's queer  
Lesbian: inqueering  
Lesbian: god i love uhhhhhhh deaf west spring awakening   
Alana: same?! jxhsjdhshsksdjzb  
Zoe: MARTHA IS MY WIFE?!  
Lesbian: ILSE IS MINE she has SUCH wlw vibes   
Jared: I KIN MELCHIOR  
Evan: jared i genuinely cannot tell when ur joking   
Jared: same  
Damian: im !!! so !!!!! cold !!  
Lesbian: sowwy bb  
Damian: shut up janis  
Lesbian: *gasp* lesbophobia  
Damian: living up to ur screen name  
Jared: i cannot BELIEVE   
Jared: DAMIAN you LESBOPHOBE!!!!!  
Jared: this is a HATE CRIME  
Gretchen: yeah Damian how could u?!?!?!?!?  
Regina: Damian, you are, to be completely honest, a disrespect to lesbians everywhere. You've insulted millions of women-loving women with your foolish words. You complete and utter fool.   
Damian: wrow sis really snapped huh  
Jared: shut up damian!!!   
Evan: damian shut ur stupid mouth before i shut it for u  
Jared: are u implying that u want damian to suck your di damian killed me before I could finish this message  
Evan: god  
[Evan has left the chat]  
[Damian has turned off the chat history]  
Damian: oh yeah jared well at least im not thinking abt bein dicked down by evan hansen 110% of the time  
[Damian has turned on the chat history]  
[Damian has added Evan to the chat]  
Jared: damian was bullying me :/ evan beat him up challenge  
Lesbian: jared was ROASTED EPIK STYLE  
Evan: whatd he do  
Jared: hes a raging homophobe  
Jared: i was Publicly Bullied and Humiliated for being a homosexual  
Evan: u probablt deserved it  
Jared: HATE CRIME  
Lesbian: "probablt"  
Evan: SHUT UP JANIS  
Jared: JANIS JUSR COMMITTED A HATE CRIME AGAINST EVAN  
Damian: *gasp* how the turntables   
Regina: This chat just radiates sexually frustrated gay energies.   
Karen: I Mean  
Karen: Yeah  
Karen: But you shouldn't Say it  
Gretchen: ksjdshhsjsjs  
Cady: guys,,, I really want ,,, goldfish with milk  
Lesbian: caddy WHAT  
Cady: I DOTN KNOW WHY J JUSTRLLY WANT  
Cady: GOLDFISH WIFH MILK  
Lesbian: good lord  
Lesbian: prayin 4 u  
Alana: Caddy,,, dear,,, will u Pls do my hw  
Lesbian: WHAT  
Evan: WHAT  
Aaron: W HAT  
Cady: yeah sure what is it  
Alana: ch4 sec3 q's 1-30 odds only  
Cady: yeah sure UwU i got u pal  
Zoe: literally WHATS going on,,, my gorlfriend is CHEATING ON a Homework?!?!?!  
Alana: "gorlfriend"  
Alana: "a Homework"  
Zoe: im being Bullied... jsksjasjjajajh  
Evan: also im rlly mad at jared rn  
Jared: D:  
Evan: he sent me. fcukib  
Evan: every line of bare a pop opera. i woke up to like. 2000 unread messages   
Evan: and its just himscreamign the lyrics to bare thru text  
Jared: its a good musical ur just a coward!!  
Evan: and ur a fool!!!!!  
Lesbian: bare... bare goob musikal  
Lesbian: shsjsjsjgs........ Goob Sohw  
Regina: Can you guys please learn to spell?!  
[Lesbian changed their name to F]  
F: NO!!!! FCUKGIM IDE.?!!!!!  
Cady: hated that !  
Zoe: jared can i block u  
Jared: no  
[Zoe has blocked Jared]  
Jared: :0  
Zoe: :)  
[Zoe has unblocked Jared]  
Aaron: whats going on  
F: who Knows tbh  
Damian: im COLD!!!!!


	12. :(

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw for drug use, shitty parents, and self harm. & suicidal thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> projection in my fanfic it's just as likely as u think  
> any Nd all typos are the result of the ever present bandaids on my fingers. this is just hpw it is now

i dont wanna be here, 01:14  
F: whatss up ayll  
[F has changed their name to Janis]  
Jared: i want 2 die but whats new  
Janis: :(  
Jared: :)  
Janis: :(  
Jared: :)))  
Janis: i follow ur reddit  
Jared: DDD:  
Janis: JJSJDJAKSKSSJ  
Jared: D: oh no baby what is u doing  
Evan: nt to break ip this conversation but im confusion  
Janis: jared,, make them Sad Boi memes   
Jared: yeet  
Janis: D:  
Jared: :))  
Janis: no!!!  
Jared: yEs!!! my parents don't love me!!!  
Evan: im Still Confused  
Jared: yeet is a code word on a subreddit janis and i frequent jssjjsd  
Jared: we r all sad.jpg  
Jared: haha [origmem.jpg]  
Evan: wait did u make this meme [??.jpg]  
Jared: hOW DID U KNow  
Evan: meme style. its like handwriting analysis but w memes  
Jared: im so Disappointed that i Led You to my meme Style so Foolishly...  
Evan: jared i think u need some actual psychiatric help  
Gretchen: hi yall i find that last message Hilarious for no real reason  
Jared: it's tru :')  
Jared: but they cant put u in outpatient if u Kill Urseld first!!!!!  
Evan: no!!  
Cady: i read that in the voice oft he "what do u have?""a knife!" "no-!" vine  
Evan: As It Should Be  
Gretchen: anyway what r y'all's Thoughts on religion  
Gretchen: like what do yall believe  
Gretchen: im not trying 2 take over @jared im just curious  
Jared: no ur fine uwu  
Evan: im jewish!! specifically im a reform jew  
Regina: I'm an atheist. I just think that it's what makes sense, because there's no proof that I've come across to indicate a God. But that's just my worldview.   
Janis: god reguna ur grammar is gna kill me  
Karen: I belive in reincarnation! I thibk that we're reincarnated over and over again until we've been Everything, in every possible universe. but if ur really bad or really good, u could go to the afterlife early. hitler?? in hell. rapists?? in hell. steven hawking?? in heaven!!!!! :-)  
Regina: It's 1:29AM, why are we discussing religion...?  
Cady: shut up rgeina  
Cady: i believe in the multiverse, sort of like Karen but u arent Everything, u just have ur own little loop in time and space, & sometimes that loop intersects w another (which is past lives & otherkin & other kinds of remembered reincarnation)  
Jared: im Jewish but idk what i Believe bc i highkey doubt theres a god but also like. i still celebrate the holidays n traditions & i would even if my parents didnt make me  
Zoe: last year my mom was Buddhist, & while I don't believe everything in the religion, it's calming to think that, whilegood things dont last, neither do bad things.   
Gretchen: i'll answer my own question, i'm also jewish sjsjsks  
Alana: i'm honestly not sure !!   
Jared: oh i believe in fate but only as an excuse for smth on which to blame my suicide haha this is a cry for help haha  
Zoe: jared are u actuall ok  
Jared: no :)  
Regina: Why do all our conversations end up like this?

evan >>> jared  
Evan: dude are u. Like. ok  
Evan: like ok ur not good at questions gimme a sec  
Jared: ya it's the autism  
Evan: 1= pure joy. happiest u could ever feel. 10 = abt to Yeet off a bridge  
Evan: mood lmao  
Jared: 10 hahaha  
Evan: ok are u actually in crisis mode ? like should i call someone  
Jared: pls be don't  
Evan: ok fine but pls  
Evan: talk to me  
Jared: i dont wanna like.   
Jared: dump everything on u or trigger u or anything   
Evan: j. im a big boy, i can take care of myself. & im not gonna judge u or make fun of u i promise  
Jared: ur sure ?  
Evan: yeah positive  
Jared: okay so  
Jared: u know my parents r Like That tm. yeah my meds have.,.,,,, stopped working n its hell. im in Hell. everything keeps getting so much worse and idknt know when jfs going ro get bettef and im thjnking abt killing myself all the time these days, but like, for real. like idk how much longrt i can take.   
Jared: and like., ive stopped eating and sleeping and im ONLY listenin g to panic at the discos greatest hits (thats all of their song btw)  
Jared: and since we b having a good time up in here i also relapsed which is EXCELLENT and i cant just have one relapse. its go big go home in this bitch so naturally i had like three big ones  
Jared: i want to launxh myslef off a roof and die  
Jared: i would very much like to die now. nthn u can say or do will change my mind  
Evan: fuck dude  
Evan: u know u can always come to me if u feel like hurting urself right. like imalways here  
Jared: maybe idont wnant anyone to stp me  
Jared: pls let me die lololol i want to finalt nit have to deal w thhs fhcking workd antmore  
Jared: im so tired man  
Jared: i cant cpoe w anything anymore i just cutmysdlf of starve mysdlf or ehatdvef i come up w to brkng me closer ti deah  
Jared: and im so anxious i feel like im goigb to explode   
Evan: god dude ive been there and it sucks but if uve gotten thru this mcuh u can get thru anything. u rlly can. and im aalways always always here to help u if u need it  
Evan: listen ur a great person and ily n u deserve so much more than dying at 17 bcus of ur depression  
Evan: we gotta outlive our enemies bro........... its like mined craf  
Jared: ,.,, will u draw me.,.,. an gay tall mined craf man  
Evan: yea <333333333  
Jared: ill send u a preview of the minef craf house im secretly building for u laksjdksv  
Jared: [minedcraf.jpg] [yeetcraft.jpg] [evancore.jpg] [evmine.jpg] [evanilysm.jpg]  
Evan: [gaytallminedcrafman.jpg]  
Evan: uwu <33  
Jared: unsurprisingly i cried   
Jared: ur fav is problematic: me. cant handle kindness  
Evan: do u want me to come over ?  
Jared: im kindof a disaster rn  
Evan: jared if u need help idc if it's been a month since u brushed ur hair  
Jared: no i mean im like crying a ton and bleeding and cant hold ymselg togethern i look crazy tm  
Evan: ok im bringing a first aid kit and support  
Evan: do u want chocolats. monster ultra. tea  
Jared: .,.,. Peach iced tsa  
Evan: u got it b

Jared >>> Zoe  
Jared: [ugotitb.jpg] is Gae?????  
Zoe: ye

Jared >>> Evan   
Jared: uwu <3  
Evan: UwU bitch!! <3  
Jared: hot B)  
Evan: jared i know where u liv,e  
Jared: beFoRe thEy pUnCh my CLOck im SNaPpinG OFF yoUr wInDOWLoCk gOt nO tIME tO KNoCk  
Evan: oh hey btw.,..,,.,. linsten.,,.,,,. i have a Proposal  
Evan: ok so. my mom gets me weed right  
Jared: hold on a Hot Sec ur mom gets u What  
Evan: u heard me  
Evan: BUT it's mostly cbd. like there's thc but not a lot.   
Evan: i have several different potencies n the ones i use to Get High are like.. 150  
Evan: and thr ones i use for anxiety are like. 75 but for u id start w half just to make sure its ok  
Evan: ok basically im asking if u want me to bring u a cbd gummy  
Jared: ok i have Questions bc u Know how i B.,.,.  
Jared: a) how much do they cost , b) how long does it take to work, c) how long does it last, d) will the drug dogs eat me alive, e) how will it make me feel  
Evan: a) jared im *giving* it to u. its for free  
Evan: b) 30 minutes to 2 hours  
Evan: c) like... 3 to 8 hours  
Evan: d) no jare the drug dogs wont eag u alive  
Jared: f) will i pass out and die. or like. get the vomiting thing  
Evan: e) tbh ?? my first time i had it i took a nap lmao. the second time i had too much and was High As Fuck. the third time I figured it out n it was like,.,., almost all my anxiety was Gone. i had, like. social situations. that didnt feel Weird or Bad to me. it was wild  
Evan: f) no bc ur gonna b safe, im gonna b there, n it's gonna b okay.   
Jared: .,.,,. I can try ??  
Evan: uwu im omw,,.,.  
Jared: ily.,.,,.   
Evan: ok im here im coming in w the spare key  
Jared: im in my room crying :')  
Evan: oh big same 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so.,.,.,.,.,,.. storytime. yes i am the jared here. i had to do a presentation in front of my whole class and i was like. on the verge of a panic attack. n i have been for weeks. so my friend was like hey. nik. i can Help. with. snacks & i was like u know what. what can it hurt   
> and it actually helped!?!?!? like a lot?!!? like...... a guy in my gym class said i was a good goalie and i said thanks and didnt overthink it ????? i talked to some1 who manipulated me n outed me n i didnt panic?!?!?! AND i only stuttered a little bit during my presentation?!?!?!!? it was wild tbh  
> and after it wore off i could rlly see the difference.,. like i hadnt engaged in bfrbs all day after i had it & normally i do that Literally Nonstop but i ?!? didnt?!!?!? listen guys im not advocating for illegal activity but it has been 10 months since my mom got my meds checked and i desperately need them changed so


End file.
